Anxiety Self-Portrait

As an introvert with social anxiety, it's really hard sometimes to share what's going on in my life, how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, or even just what art I'm making. It's easy to hide away in my studio when life gets a little too crazy and say nothing. This post in particular is a tough one for me to make, but I think being more transparent about who I am like this is a step in the right direction, so here goes nothing...

In 2010, I made this self-portrait with charcoal in a University of Central Florida drawing class. At the time, I saw this drawing only for its flaws. I mean, I stayed up all night drawing, erasing, and re-drawing my mouth over and over again, but I just couldn't get it right. After many hours, I gave up, something I never do when it comes to art projects.

The next morning I went to class, feeling defeated and embarrassed, not only by having to turn in an incomplete drawing, but also because this was the first artwork I ever made of me shirtless. I nervously opened up my giant 36" x 24" newsprint drawing pad to this piece, and to my surprise, the class and the professors loved it!

Now when I look at this drawing, the meaning just explodes off the page. It's like a visual representation of the anxiety and frustration I was feeling while creating this piece and also having to show it to others.

On a deeper level, It shows how hard it is for me to express myself with words, but at least I can always SHOW how I feel! Art, for me, means being able to communicate messages that I'm still learning myself. It means having a voice without having to say anything at all. In a lot of ways, sharing my art with you all the time is as revealing for me as taking my shirt off.

Anxiety Self-Portrait

Anxiety Self-Portrait

Sometimes I go days without posting something, not because I'm not making art (I make art almost everyday), but because I don't know what to say.

As an introvert with lots of social anxiety, it's really hard sometimes to share what's going on in my life, how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, or even just what art I'm making. It's easy to hide away in my studio when life gets a little too crazy and say nothing. This post in particular is a tough one for me to make, but I think being more transparent about who I am like this is a step in the right direction, so here goes nothing...

In 2010, I made this self-portrait with charcoal in a University of Central Florida drawing class. At the time, I saw this drawing only for its flaws. I mean, I stayed up all night drawing, erasing, and re-drawing my mouth over and over again, but I just couldn't get it right. After many hours, I gave up, something I never do when it comes to art projects.

The next morning I went to class, feeling defeated and embarrassed, not only by having to turn in an incomplete drawing, but also because this was the first artwork I ever made of me shirtless. I nervously opened up my giant 36" x 24" newsprint drawing pad to this piece, and to my surprise, the class and the professors loved it!

Now when I look at this drawing, the meaning just explodes off the page. It's like a visual representation of how hard it is for me to express myself with words, but at least I can always SHOW how I feel!

Art, for me, means being able to communicate messages that I'm still learning myself. It means having a voice without having to say anything at all. In a lot of ways, sharing my art with you all the time is as revealing for me as taking my shirt off.

It took me 7 years to find the courage to post this drawing online for the first time, feeling the same anxiety I did that morning that I showed it to my class, but this time at least I know that the drawing isn’t incomplete at all. It shows exactly what was happening in that moment, exactly who I was and how I felt, the raw frustration I was feeling when I drew it, my struggle to communicate come to life.

If you’re having trouble trying to say how you feel or what you think, why not give art a try, and if you need someone to talk to about your untold story, message me anytime. You never know what someone else is going through! Be kind, take care of yourself, and do what you can to spread the love.